(I can relate to this entire list!!)
You know you're a fontaholic when:
- You always check your favorite "font of the day" site (or a.b.f., comp.fonts, etcetera) to see what's new before you check your e-mail.
- More than two-thirds of your bookmarked URLs are font-related websites.
- You keep complete backups of your fonts stored in at least two places, off-site.
- You still worry about losing your fonts when your computer crashes.
- You download a font you already have just in case the existing copy gets corrupted.
- You download a clone font as well as the original just in case there are some subtle differences that you might need to take advantage of someday.
- You have every single font with letters partially covered with snow.
- You keep all of those snow-covered fonts installed all year long.
- You post a denial within seconds if you see the phrase too many fonts in any newsgroup. If such a message is posted in a fonts newsgroup, you personally visit the idiot responsible and try to knock some sense into him/her.
- Your children are named Gill, Stanley, Frederick, Sumner, and Arial.
- Your dog is named Goudy and your cat is named Baskerville. The stray cat that has started hanging around lately is beginning to answer to New Baskerville.
- You try to convince those members of your family who, incredibly, don' t even know what a font is, that you want your nickname to be "Uncial" from now on.
- It takes nearly three full toner cartridges to print sample pages of all of your fonts.
- You print them all anyway.
- You can recognize instantly the subtle differences between Helvetica, Swiss, Geneva, and Arial, even on a 14-inch monitor at 72 dpi with font smoothing disabled.
- You know all of the reasons why Palatino is better than Book Antiqua and Zapf Calligraphic BT, yet you keep Book Antiqua and Zapf Calligraphic BT installed, "just in case".
- You can discuss for hours the differences between the digitized versions of Garamond, Granjon, Jannon, and Sabon, and whether the TrueType or Type 1 version is more faithful to the original punches. (And don't even get started on whether the Mac or PC versions are better.)
- You feel pity when some poor newbie mentions in a post that they have "only" 4,000 fonts.
- You have a bumper sticker that proclaims, "He who dies with the most fonts wins."
- You spent nearly an hour hand-kerning the above bumper sticker.
- When you check alt.binaries.fonts more than once a day.
- When you check alt.binaries.fonts through more than one source, so you'll be sure not to miss anything.
- When you buy a second hard drive - bigger than 10 GB - so that you can store your font collection "on-line."
- When you copy fonts to a floppy, you make two copies so that in case one of the floppies goes bad, you won't loose the font (even though you know you have other floppy-copies, and it's on at least one CD-ROM in your collection).
- When you have trouble getting the kerning just right, on your GROCERY LIST.
- When you download fonts you don't even like, because they're FONTS
- When you buy a commercial four-drawer commercial file cabinet to hold the sample pages you have printed from your font library ... and it's *full*!
- You spend more time looking at how the name of the car in front of you is written rather than where you're going
- You have 3 or more fonts on your computer that are fantasy or science fiction languages/symbols that you can't read, but hey... they look cool. "Well it's not my fault, they were posted on a.b.f.!"
- You're the only one you know who thinks being able to have only a few HUNDRED fonts on Windows 98 is a problem.
- You agonize for hours over which font to remove from your maxed-out system in order to install the cool new font you found today.
- You visit a Font-of-the-Day site for two and a half months before finding a font you haven't seen before.
- You try to explain to your friends why you like fonts so much, and it only makes you sound geekier.
- You truly believe Ray Larabie [Dieter Steffmann, Apostrophie (\')] is a GOD.
- You state with conviction that you can never have enough calligraphy fonts.
- You don't have any outline fonts on your computer when you already have their solid versions because the outline versions would only take space away for other fonts.
- You can often point out lettering you see in advertisements or logos by their font names; as in "Hey, that's Colonial Uncial!"
- When you browse the latest T-26 catalog while doing the Stairmaster at 24Hour Fitness. (I'm sure the person next to me wondered why I'd be looking at alphabets).
- You tell your wife (husband) what font is used in the title or credits at the movies. Like she (he) really cares.... :-)
- ...someone tells you to get a life ... and you think "I have three in PostScript and five in TrueType ...."
- And you are *really* addicted if your personalized license plate is "FONTS"!
- You save the comp.fonts and alt.binaries.fonts postings that begin with the phrase "the top ten signs that you are a fontaholic" in their own special subdirectory.
[Portions Copyright © Jeff Rankin-Lowe/SIRIUS 2000 All Rights Reserved.]